In his/her shoes
One thing I learnt about listening and understanding another person is
to put myself into his or her shoes and think from his/her perceptive
angle(s).
However, at the same time, this style of listening has also failed me
many a times for one simple reason - I’m still not the other person.
Tried as I might, it is not always possible to be in sync and truly
figure out the thought and decision process of another complex human
mind. (when is the last time you figure out your own process totally?
:p)
And usually I find that a lot of information, however, can get filled
in as a conversation goes along and as more rapport is established.
And then, there is the re-confirmation, questioning and answering,
clarification process to make sure the pictures in both parties are as
close to one another as possible.
Ok, the above are just some side talk. The main point I would like to
share here about putting yourself in someone else’s shoes is this:
Remember that a problem/issue of that someone else, no matter how big
or small it seems to you, is still a problem/ issue to him/her.
We must not forget that each one of us has different capacity to handle
problems and issues. As much as I am not the other person, the other
person is also not me. His/her problem might seem so small and trivial
in your eyes, but to him/her, it could be the end of world. You may
have the confidence, capabilities and all the shit to settle HIS/HER
problems, but not him/her. So, one point to note when helping another
person to sort things out, is not to belittle the problem. Respect it
and guide the person towards the resolution.
Of course, do not do the opposite and start magnifying the problem
thinking that you are showing that you understand the severity of the
problem. I can’t imagine how stress up I could get if my problem
suddenly gets twice as difficult to handle.
I guess it boils down to respecting each individual, know that the map is not the territory and showing empathy and guidance the way the other person wanted it to be shown. Yup, read the Empathy Before Solutions Series on the treasure trove, Life Coaches Blog. You
will get to acquire more specific and detailed pointers on
communication and some of the stuffs which were just briefly mentioned
above.
